Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.
Man: No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith.
What's wrong with the old one?
Villager: It was 'ere that Catherine of aragon was bitten by a mad dog.
Villager: Yes, chewed 'er something 'orrible it did.
Old Lady: Do you always play by ear?
Street Musician: Yes, lady, 'ere or 'ereabouts.
HOWEVER, if your NOT easily offended, and can take sick jokes like me